Today… Tomorrow… Always…

I will never forget today. The sun, the stroll, the warmth around and… And that pair of eyes… that voice… each and every step going to where I was afraid to get…

The road ahead and cars passing by… Two pair of shoes moving in silent mode… To pair of hands playing their part. Of nothingness… A laugh and the crying heart inside my chest… Happy eyes, but wounded soul… No mask this time, rather a pair of sad eyelashes. Acting behind the curtains… The curtains of light.

A walk to remember… Or to desperately erase from the library of my mind…

That joyful feeling was no longer there.. Something was happening, yet I was failing to see… The smiling ray was so deceiving! It just wanted to play around, ignoring the bitterness a human shape would experience and a falling heart was singing…

Today was way different from any others… I knew it was the last… I knew that the last glimpse of hope would fade by the time we got back…

Yet we kept on moving, following a shadow I would happily embrace. I asked for it and I was given. Yet, nothing of what I hoped for. Distance did befriend my sight, though you struggled to make me feel at peace. But nothing would succeed. Not even the warmest tone of that voice I still crave for.

I had to do it, so I asked “Why not?”. But my mind was already somewhere far, rejecting the rejection of another soul in pain. Even the strongest magnet would run away from it. It was too hard to handle. To sharp to be heard. Too loud to be hidden… Yet transparent to sight…

Hope struggled, watching the hand of a cord wrapping it. Than it was hung… Merciless… Hung to the clouds and taken into a long travel among the stars. Though it was daylight. But who cared? Just an insignificant detail, making a difference to the rest of the world. A world that didn’t know. Didn’t see, didn’t hear and didn’t care!

Someone died. It was me. Inside. That me loving a you… Everything and anything… Every inch I never touched.

[listen to: Demis Russous – Goodbye, my love, goodbye]

Words follow the tears to the ground, in an already defeated attempt of catching them. There’s nothing left…

Just another life ahead. Another hope to be born… Another… Another what? Another someone to be found? Can this be? By when? But how? Impossible is what I see right there…

The funeral of hope is on its way… A mourning soul mumbles around… Nothing can be now. No comfort and no smile. No moving lips or hearing ears. Just a steady being, breathing slower than a fainting rose’s petal.

The moon wants to caress my hair, but darkness successfully removes it! It’s been too much… No one can overlook the bleeding scar… Yet, no one can wake me from this frightening nightmare. Screaming would try in vain to wake my senses… As all is gone and there’s no “Come back!”.

My dream just slipped and broke its wings! But I thank you for being fair…

A.

Epilogue

Every piece of rejection is another thorn my heart needs to drip blood from. No words could ever take it off and tons of stitches could never cover the pumping wound… Each word of yours (though not rude) cuts my flesh, reaching to the bones, chopping them to pieces I can’t glue together any longer.

[listen to: Sofia Karlberg – A Bible Of Mermaid Pictures (Acoustic Version)]

Sometimes I am far away from this world, sunk deep in my day-dreaming. Times and often, deception is too vivid there, yet I’m so scared to wake up, out of the fear of bringing it to life, thus stealing every pinch of hope left. The dim light embraces my state of mind, amplifying the tremble of my heart and the music echoing around the room moves my lips in a dance they can’t fight, though the words are meant to stick the thorn deeper with each note. I wish I could stop that, but there’s something framing my actions, leaving me no space to move. My feet are tied to each other, my hands are barely able to push the keys for 2 words in a row, my heart beats slower with every second and my mind is covered in blur. The only thing I can do is sing my sorrow, in hopes the Universe will hear it and send me something else in return.

[listen to: Sofia Karlberg – Runnin (Lose it All)]

If only you were here now… Words would have no purpose, as my eyes speak for themselves, revealing feelings I wish no one will ever try. A mix of misery, deception, despair, sadness… Some kind of radioactive contagious energy. There’s a battle between my mind (that tells me to let you go) and my heart (that is stubborn to keep you inside). The torture I need to take down is entertained by loneliness and too much time available to over-thinking…

Sleep will soon, slowly, take me in its arms… Yet, I wish I could keep my eyes open, as night-time dreaming is even worse that daydreaming. Effortlessly, my eyelashes are longing to come together, so I’ll have to give in, against my will…

One day can be too much… Things may take opposite directions, draining my veins…

My mind has played me too many times before, in a tiredless attempt to fight the obvious. But tonight things will turn out differently. I’ll find my path once again… And again… Till the end of time… Change is what I embrace this time, with no wish of going back.

My mind salutes you fairly, my heart says thanks for all the teachings and my lashes wave the final good-bye, as my lips whisper “You will always have your special spot granted!”

So, I’ll just surrender to the night, holding my heart tight and trying to comfort it with the light of stars…

Love,
A.