A different kind of mom – book excerpt

Parenting is just like a roller coaster: when you think you reached the peak, by having all covered, the down slope shows up. Amplified by tiredness, dissatisfaction and frustrations. Someone says “No rest for the wicked”… But, guess what, everyone deserves to rest, for battery recharge. Even the most wicked ones. Then, why wouldn’t you, as a (single) parent, have this right? Yet, the full-time job as a parent stands tall in front of you and tells you: “Now you are not allowed to do that, or that or say that and do things considering nothing and no-one else but yourself”. ‘Cause you can’t! You have destinies in your hands and you need to shape them right way. You can’t let them fall to pieces, rather you need to build them up.

My dears, I am currently writing a different kind of book. A book that some may find worthy of the label of blame, yet some may find inspiring. Below an excerpt, revealing true facts and my thoughts about that different part of parenting. A part that people usually try to hide under the rug for not exposing themselves as being weak and to avoid judgement. If you want to understand better the text below and if you haven’t done it already, first read my article called “I am, ask me…” And then come back to this text…

They say “Kids don’t come with an instructions manual”. Hooray, truth has been spoken! Ok, there are feeding books, raising books… blah, blah… none of them will ever teach you what to do when your kid has a fever at 3 am. And they throw up. And cry for no reason. And refuse you as a parent. And say “I want it now” or put up a show in the middle of a store. There are guidelines, yet each kid is unique. What fits yours, may have no effect over mine. Furthermore, what seems to be working well on one of my kids, will definitely not apply to the other.

Only you, as a parent, know what applies to your kid. Oh, no, wait! Not even you know… what works the first time (and you’re so happy you found a way!), will not work the second time. If you can’t adapt, you’re screwed. There, I said it.

parenting-classes-300x300
Credits: https://markahutton.com/tag/parenting/

Credits: https://markahutton.com/tag/parenting/

Ready to find out even a funnier part? Ok, then here you are… and there are so many…

You know those moments when you get home, mostly dead than walking on your 2 feet? Those times you could crash at any given moment and wish to sleep till morning comes? Well, I do. Bonus? Add up 2 kids and all the damage they leave behind in just a half an hour and you’ll get the most exciting experience ever.

Then, i’m the kind of mom to be summoned by the kindergarten psychologist, because one of her kids is a mess. But still there’s a chance for make things right. The child is still in early ages and a bit of therapy will help everyone, in every possible way. After this session with that warm-hearted woman, I realized what a mess I actually am. I understood that, as much as I dislike masks, I was wearing one in front of my own self, for the past 2 years. Just to keep myself going, to not allow myself to be human, as I had no chance to recover if I ever fell. All responsibility for these 2 kids is fully mine and, if – God forbid – anything happens to me, they would be helpless. But you see, maybe even this is not right. Because they have grandparents and a father. But I would never forgive myself if I knew it was me driving their little steps towards wrecked teenagers. I want my kids to be sane, not to carry baggage that aren’t theirs.

Last night I cried my soul out. But the heart-melting thing? My kids wrapped their arms around me, comforting my pain, telling me what a beautiful and good mommy I am. “Don’t you forget that, mom. We love you and we would never want to lose you!” They wiped my tears, one brought me handkerchiefs to blow my nose and the other one the tools to clean up the make-up on my messy face.

Now you tell me… considering all these, how can I let myself fall? How can I not tell my kids how beautiful and strong and amazing creatures they are and boost them the trust and self-esteem they need for becoming healthy grown-ups? How can I not do anything to bring them up as independent strong women, that can do anything they put their minds to? How can I?

You may find my crying in front of them a gesture to be blamed. Yet, as young as they are, life isn’t a fairytale. And they need to learn that everyone makes mistakes (even mommy), but it’s important to take responsibility for one’s action and make things right.

Kids put their parents on a stainless steel pedestal, beautifully imagined as a kingdom wrapped in gold and filled with jewelry and happiness. But they need to realize that we are all human. Everyone has there right to cry and it’s healthy to do so. Everyone has the right to speak their minds. Everyone needs to be forgiven and supported on the path to becoming their best version. And wiping my tears and hugging me last night was a lesson neither they or I will ever forget: compassion is what comforts a soul and love is what keeps a human being alive and help them rise again and again, till the end of time.

Parenting is just like a roller coaster: when you think you reached the peak, by having all covered, the down slope shows up. Amplified by tiredness, dissatisfaction and frustrations. Someone says “No rest for the wicked”… But, guess what, everyone deserves to rest, for battery recharge. Even the most wicked ones. Then, why wouldn’t you, as a (single) parent, have this right? Yet, the full-time job as a parent stands tall in front of you and tells you: “Now you are not allowed to do that, or that or say that and do things considering nothing and no-one else but yourself”. ‘Cause you can’t! You have destinies in your hands and you need to shape them the right way. You can’t let them fall to pieces, rather you need to build them up.

Dear reader, please take the lesson of dropping the judgement and remove the label of “This is only complaining”. It is not. Rather, embrace the fact that people may have different views over events in their lives; think that there may be other people facing the same, but not having the strength to go public about it. And accept the fact that we’re all human beings, making mistakes. What’s important – and I will emphasise this as much as I can – is not to hide the pain, or lie or run away from it. The important thing is to LEARN from each and every situation we face. To let ourselves be – in the means of avoiding placing the blame to anyone – but to have the courage to face the truth and correct it.

Being the kind of independent woman, helping others but being harsh on herself, isn’t easy. At some point, life strikes one so bad for a purpose: learn to ask for and accept if help is being provided. Thinking that you can do everything on your own is just a fantasy you find out not being the way you imagined. A dream you don’t want to wake up from, for not letting people you care about down. But guess what: help usually comes from people you never expected it from and who don’t let your mistakes destroy your image in front of their eyes. It comes from people who are willing to hold your hand and take you across the unsteady bridge between depression and lighter days. From people who chose to lift you up when you’re a complete mess, yet ask for nothing in return.

So, don’t shut yourself from the world (neither run and yell your pain on the streets in bare feet). But let those walls down, accept your imperfections and build yourself up, with the help of the ones that offer you a shoulder to support you through stormy weather. But you need to, first, ask for it. There will be few times that people ask you why your eyes are swollen. And even fewer times when people realize something is going on with you without you having to say a word. Acknowledging that people usually can’t read minds will make you see how important communication is. And its free-of-charge benefits.

All these are facts exposed by a person that wasn’t that fortunate to have a reliable partner and a life-lasting kind of relationship. I will not disclose more, but you should know this: is better to carry everything alone than sharing void with someone. Yes, it’s hard,especially on a physical level, yet you get to learn a lot, you have the chance to know yourself better after each fall and rise episode. You discover that inner strength and the star-dust in your eyes – things you were kept from by a toxic relationship. Oh, and you discover gems in the shapes of people you would never see as such.

And when someone compliments the way you brought up your kids… Boy, that’s worth all the struggle. And you think to yourself: “Hard work does pay off!”

Love,
A.

Sunshine Blogger Award

What greater recognition could a “wannabe” writer get than having their name shining on a award nominees list? I, for one, have no words to thank enough to this gifted writer that showed me appreciation when I thought no one really cared! (well I do have my followers – few, but I’d rather take quality over quantity 😉 ).

         Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You won’t believe what I just discovered!

         But let me tell you a short story first 🙂

        When I was in my 20s I had my first dream of becoming a writer. I even had some drafts that never saw the light of a writer’s day. They just got lost, unintentionally got thrown to the garbage and… I just let time set its blanket over all this “writing thing”.

         Until one day… I was finishing a book and, right afterwards, I just filled some empty space with a few words. The output was sent to a dear friend of mine and the reaction I got was the first step towards what I do today: “You are talented; have you ever thought about writing? You should definitely go for it!” And that’s when it started…

        That episode was somewhere in July this year. For the next few weeks, I only had sketches, doubts about not being good enough for exposing my words and anxiety driven about what people may say about my new activity. However, one day, in August (to be more specific) I decided: “No matter what, I’ll go for it. I’m not gonna let this slip through my fingers again”. And so, I built my first blog. At first, I would write just for relief (which I still do).

          But time proved me wrong! What do I mean by that? Just this: After only almost 3 months of consistent writing, reading the blogs of others and connecting to amazingly talented writers, I got the strike of my life: being nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award! By a writer whom I truly look up to: Kenyanito Wendo.

            This fellow writer is amazing with words, making them float in front of your eyes as you read them! His talent is exquisitely shown in the flick of his wordy wand. You should definitely check out his work and follow Letters Unsent.

          I must confess that I checked the list of his nominees without believing, not for even a millisecond, that my name would be there. But when I found it?! Oh, my GOD !!!!! You will never imagine what it felt like! But I’ll give you a few hints: shivers all over my body, my heart would easily escape my chest if it wasn’t for the “shell” and shock would take the ground off my feet… I just couldn’t believe my eyes! And, as I write this, I still can’t! I am overwhelmed with excitement, but amazement wears the crown. Somehow, deep inside, I feel I am not worthy of such a gift. I feel honored by Kenyanito‘s nomination and I humbly admit that I blushed (I guess I still have that rose color imprinted in my cheeks as I expose this event).

sunshine-blogger-award-2

                What greater recognition could a “wannabe” writer get than having their name shining on a award nominees list? I, for one, have no words to thank enough to this gifted writer that showed me appreciation when I thought no one really cared! (well I do have my followers – few, but I’d rather take quality over quantity 😉 ). His gesture gives me the  goose bumps with every thought I give it! Not to mention answering the questions I received as a nominee:

         1.  If you had a chance of a ‘do over’ in life, what would you do differently and why?

          Well… That’s an interesting one… Let’s see… I would restrain the will of growing up too fast, I would learn more in high-school, I would be bolder until reaching my actual age and I would, for sure, stop being quick to judge, while searching for the beauty in others, not flaws. Oh, and I wouldn’t hurry in getting married :))

           2.  What are you most proud of?

          Being able to overcome all the challenges life threw at me, my brain (I need to thank God and my amazing parents for it!), my kids and my ability to listen and inspire others.

            3. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?

              For a woman? Can’t there be more than 5? :))

              (Trying hard to figure out an answer…)

              My phone (keeps me in touch with all important people in my life and keeps alive my passion for writing), my self-esteem (building it was a long road), that special one (which would never be a possession, but a dream come true), some make-up (you never know… :))  ) and my will for constant improvement and self-development. Can I add another one? Pretty please? It would be empathy!

              4. Is there a moment in life that defined who you are today? If so, what?

             I had so much more than 1 moment… Everything I’ve gone thru defines what I am today. However, meeting a higher-conscious writer in my childhood definitely sketched some path for me. Towards helping others, praying for a better world and sharing love. But also knowing when to say “No”. So, combining compassion and determination with a pinch of self-respect.

               5. What is your pet peeve?

               People assuming they know what I think, people not having a ground when making a statement and not being able to provide and answer to a simple “Why?” and the fake.

               6. What is the craziest conversation you have ever overheard?

Gossip about myself…

                7. Why did you start writing a blog?

               Self relief… To avoid screaming and passing my anger to people around me… To remember the feelings I had in a specific period of time and track my evolution as a human being. My writings cover different kind of topics.

               8. Do you feel you have come a long way since you started?

             Not really sure about how far I’ve come… I still consider myself a rookie… But I discovered the healing power of writing and I became addicted to it 🙂 And the feedback I got so far seems to confirm that I’m doing a good job… Not to mention that I already have a book almost finished and another one in progress.

          And, as a gift should always be shared, I would like to proudly introduce my nominees (people whose words are a delight to my eyes):

  1. Kedawithani
  2. Riya
  3. Zeckrombryan
  4. Writings on a wall
  5. Evangelist Chilavert Nmezi – Message from above
  6. Actress in Reality

               But, as recognition drives commitment, here is what it would be nice for you to do next:

  1. Thank the one that nominated you and put a link for them to your blog.
  2. Answer the nominator’s questions.
  3. Nominate others.
  4. Notify the bloggers you’ve nominated.

And here comes the fun part – my questions for you 🙂 :

  1.  What’s your favorite all-times song? (I’m a music freak, so I love exploring new horizons).
  2.  What would you do if you had the power to change today’s life? (You can refer to any field)
  3. What do you like to do for self-development? (Learning new ways is always a pleasure)
  4. What would be your advice, as a more experienced peer, to a rookie writer?
  5. Do you still read printed books or did e-books win you over?
  6. If you could meet a world spiritual/ inspirational leader, who would that be?
  7. Do you believe in dreams and one’s ability to reach them?
  8. If you could remove the mask of a certain person, would you be prepared to find out what’s underneath?

          Once again, I am flattered by and deeply thankful for the unexpected nomination to the Sunshine Blogger Award, as I know there are more worthy writers to race for the prize…

          Love,

         A.

 

The act of giving

It’s not how much you have to give that matters, but the purity of the act of giving itself!

I stated a few times that, for a passionate writer, everything becomes an idea. For me, this works great, especially when I focus on it. However, lately I’ve turned my attention to another passion of mine, leaving writing to go with the flow (to be read “write when I really feel it”), not imposing some kind of routine. Some may believe this is not a healthy way of writing, but remember I am not a masses follower, rather my heart is the one to guide my actions.

Anyhow, this morning, while having my wake up coffee, I found my mind to be flooded by the song in the link below….

Pentatonix – Little drummer boy

As I was listening to the lyrics, I realized: it’s not how much you have to give that matters, but the purity of the act of giving itself! Which, if done from the bottom of your soul, without awaiting anything I return, will bring that exquisite feeling of fulfilment!

The song is about a little boy that has nothing to give but his talent of playing the drums, yet he does it with the ultimate passion and offers it as a gift to the new born King.

Alike him, each and everyone of us can bring the gift of giving to the people around us. Be it only by sharing a good thought at the right moment to someone in need or by making a donation for overcoming calamities; even when helping someone in the office with a piece of information or while passing by a stranger and offering just a sincere smile; being true should also be considered as an act of giving, as every little thing that inspires the others to be their best version is a gift.

Why bring someone an expensive present – that may lose its way over the years – when we have such an extraordinary and free (!) gift at hand, which can last for a lifetime?

What I’m saying is: Take your eyes off your phone for a minute, look around you and send a smile. Giving it from the bottom of your heart…

Free gifts will always have the greatest impact. Try it 🙂

A dreamer’s parallel universe – A story about LOVE

Dreamers are considered to have their own parallel universe. Well, indeed they do. They live in a completely different world than the others, most of them are compassionate, like to see the beauty around them and try to show it to the people they get in touch with. (…)

 In a dreamer’s parallel universe, Love is the utmost treasure. Because love for everyone and everything is the star with the most intense blare. Love breaks all boundaries of a glass perception displayed by a plastic society, driven by virtual brainwashing environment.

            I am a dreamer and an idealist by nature. So, below I describe the concept of unconditional love, as seen thru the lenses of one who made the choice to be led by this beautiful feeling, by all means.

            Dreamers are considered to have their own parallel universe. Well, indeed they do. They live in a completely different world than the others, most of them are compassionate, like to see the beauty around them and try to show it to the people they get in touch with.

            But a dreamer also knows that this is the real thing that matters. That higher consciousness is what all people shall discover sooner or later. When the consumerism world collapses, we will have to look inside ourselves and understand what really makes the difference. Chasing money and wealth will be of no importance once this world’s dimensions change. Beautiful people are the ones to be allowed  passing thru the gate of this new dimension and the world will change for the better. Some people say this moment is closer than we could have ever imagined. Energies are shifting, thus we need to do something for ourselves and others. And love is the key to this world’s evolution.

universal love
Credits: https://appleofgodseye.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/161.jpg

             In a dreamer’s parallel universe, Love is the utmost treasure. Because love for everyone and everything is the star with the most intense blare. Love breaks all boundaries of a glass perception, displayed by a plastic society, driven by virtual brainwashing environment.

              Love is what brings color to butterflies, love is the one drawing compassion and the one to fill the empty cup of selfishness, turning it into a goblet made of gratitude; Love drives passion and decreases the midget of anger; Love doesn’t jump to conclusions, rather clamber up the mountains of trust; Love bares no judgement, rather understands and always finds its way thru the dark forest of doubt, guided by faith; Love never requires silence of thoughts, rather brings a voice to a silent star; Love is made of care and parts oceans for keeping others untouched by the hunger of crushing waves; Love goes thru fire without a second thought, just to rescue a soul.

          The hands of Love can heal a fallen angel and melt tones of ice, by surrounding it with an outburst of warmth. Love bares no chains around its wrists, as is never selfish, rather unlocks the freedom of choice. The face of Love never wears a mask, rather comes undone, showing the importance of being true.

          Regardless of the angle one looks at it or how deep one tries to bury it, Love is what builds the strongest bridge between souls and reveals the strongest shine. 

            The only thing Love can’t provide is disappointment. That’s an unknown concept to Love, as disappointment lives light-years far way, giving the 2 the slightest chances to ever making acquaintances…

Love,
A.

 

A queen without a king

A queen knows what she wants and uses all her weapons to fight against the villains and win the war of disbelief and rebuild ruins of self-esteem. Her army has captain Strong Will in charge and the her maids are Dream, Determination and Love. These 4 trustworthy councilors guide their beloved queen thru closed door-discussions to polish her strength and clean up the throne of inner beauty. They gently raise the curtains of her chamber, to let sun in when she’s dripping bitter tears of deceit. Her clothes are always well-groomed, so that her pride would bear no fold.  

       We’re all kings and queens, in our own special way. Each one of us has a kingdom to rule and people who admire our status, either we want this or not. However, when kings and queens build an alliance, their kingdoms enlarge and their power amplifies.

        But what about a queen without a king? Does she seem helpless, ready to faint, or would she stand tall? She might… Or she may not.

        Kings have a weird way of showing their will to living in peace and cease attempts of war. But queens? Queens are always in control of their armies (at least on the outside), maybe taking most of their wars inside their minds. But peace rules their kingdoms and they have the power to display a shining steady crown wherever they go.

         A queen knows what she wants and uses all her weapons to fight against the villains, win the war of disbelief and rebuild ruins of self-esteem. Her army has captain Strong Will in charge and her maids are Dream, Determination and Love. These 4 trustworthy councilors guide their beloved queen thru closed door-discussions to polish her strength and clean up the throne of inner beauty. They gently raise the curtains of her chamber, to let sun in when she’s dripping bitter tears of deceit. They make sure her clothes are always well-groomed, so that her pride would bear no fold.

       Nevertheless, a queen’s royal status will never allow swords to cross on defending her against malware. She knows she needs to face it, but she asks for the help of Kindness and she’s a thorough apprentice to self-improvement techniques. Not even the blue blood can spare her from the claws of hurt and even the portraits of ancestors fail to save her from the lessons life has to teach her. All the spells of world’s greatest sorcerers could never defend her honor well enough unless she makes her voice heard. So, she wisely has to plan her every move and guide her armor to break thru the clouds, so that she can wear her confidence gown at the ball tonight.

queen ring
Photo Credits: Pinterest

         However, a queen is most likely to be walking her path alone, looking out for her people… (That king on a white horse just won’t show up… Such a pity…!) She will stumble upon dark swamps, but rise again and again with her crown standing straight. Especially if the land of accomplishment needs to be conquered. Her true strength lies in the attention she gives to carefully choosing her advisers and the amount of trust she invests them with. But her recognition to valuable people will always be publicly displayed, in a constant effort to aggrandize them, all of a piece with their efforts. Her scepter appoints knights and breaks the boundaries of injustice.

     A worthy queen knows she is the strong shadow behind the king she will eventually share the diamonds in her crown with. And truly believes that the king will know her worth and always catch her fragile perspective. Though she doesn’t actually needs it… Her kingdom is safe enough…

Love,
A.