Army boots

Bullets and army boots

All I remember is that it was me out there. All dressed up in military, from top to toes: casket, uniform and army boots. And a shotgun. It was as if I was the only enemy there, attacked from all sides. People and some sort of drones were shooting at me. I escaped that building, eventually, sliding on a stairs arm, till my feet touched the ground. And I started running, holding tight of my shotgun. It was night time, but I was reaching to the ocean in front of the building. The noises coming my way were unbearable. My ears hurt tremendously due to the sharp and heavy noises and my brain was on the verge of an explosion. I never thought I’d make another second.

But I made it. I reached the shore and then the water. Shallow water, so I had to carefully watch where I was diving. They were all around and they were still shooting at me. But I kept on diving and swimming, despite the heavy uniform. I had to. My life was at stake. So I would dive and swim, take a breath and dive and swim again. A long underwater run. I just couldn’t stop. I needed to reach the other side of the ocean, though bullets were pouring from above.

Exhausted, I finally reached the other shore. But I was still pushed to run. In my soaked clothes and army boots, I kept on running till I found a shelter. When I got in, all the lights were on. It was a daycare place for women only. I remember looking around me, until I saw a nurse. And then nausea took over me. My head was injured, so blood started bursting, as my body hit the floor. Last thing I know? I heard a nurse screaming for others to come help, as I needed urgent intervention. Then my power went off. Everything was covered in silence, as I fainted.

Yet, life goes on…

That was my last night’s dream. A dream I wanted to instantly write down, but I was too caught in the dream to wake up and reach my writing tool. But I’m lucky to remember my adventures in the fantasy world. Not many people do.

However, while writing it down, I am thinking about what could its significance be…

Could it be that my fears were the bullets and the uniform and army boots represent the obstacles I had to face to overcome the terror fears put me through?

Was it a flashback of my last years’ life, heavily captured in such a movie script?

Is my warrior mindset sending me another signal that I need to fight till the end, no matter what?

I never had an easy life. But I can’t complain. It built me into what I am today. Haven’t all those events happened, I would still be begging for mercy and let myself walked over, like a doormat full of dust.

But I rose and learned to speak my mind. I managed to stand tall and fight adversity. Some say I’m a superhero, but I say I’m a strong woman. I wear no badge, but I proudly wear the scars my experiences have left in my soul.

Though I can’t remember the outcome of my dream (was the surgery successful or was I just another loss?), I know exactly what the outcome of my life so far is. I’m only 33, but I’ve fought some heavy battles. And I know there are still others to follow. I’m in the middle of one. Yet I also know that I learned to come out a winner… and I will! Every single time!

Epilogue

I’m not reaching up to the first place. I don’t want it. I don’t NEED it. But I’m seeking for peace of mind. And I’m not preaching it in vain. There’s nothing more valuable than this. If I manage to meet my hero (me in a peaceful state of mind), then my real life story can have any kind of ending. I will still be happy! When my body will be weak and my last breath will be taken, I will walk towards the light with a smile on my face, knowing that the stars will warmly greet me and turn me into one of their own.

Until then, there’s a lot to do. And, alike my dream, my life will never cease to challenge me. But I will gladly hit the walls. Because, one day, they will all come tumbling down…

Love,
A.

 

Image credits:

Look at me…

Go back for a few light-years and see where you come from. Where I come from. What was between and what has become. Now, do you see? No? Search deeper and you’ll find out. Everything is there.

     I’m far from perfect. But just look at me. See me through… I have a shape, but look beyond. Search for the energy… Discover mine, than look for yours. Alike me, you’re far from perfect. But look beyond the surface. Dig into your own soul. And acknowledge its shine. And there, you will find me, standing beside you. Waiting. For you to come, so that we can explore together.

     Go back for a few light-years and see where you come from. Where I come from. What was between and what has become. Now, do you see? No? Search deeper and you’ll find out. Everything is there. You are there, I am there. Both of us understand, both of us see… But our energies need to come together. Our hands to touch, our lips to melt and our souls to dance. Would you… Dance a waltz with me? Or… Maybe a tango? We can choose together, there’s no need to rush. One step at a time and we’ll get the perfect routine. The time is all ours and no one can steal that. They see, but they can’t touch. Is only us that count in this game for 2.

     Now, do you see? See what you’ve done? It’s all because of you. Because of your beautiful mind and your power to inspire. That’s what you made be do. That’s how I see the world now. And it’s all because of you. All because of the feelings you’ve made me reveal. To my own self, first of all. And all the power I found within and I am now ready to show the world. But what about your power? Don’t you see it? Well, I do. Is buried deep. Go search for it. Or, even better, let me help you read between the lines of the book you’ve never written. I’ll read for you, while you have your rest.

lovers in bloom
Credits: http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2016/07/new-swirling-psychedelic-illustrations-by-james-r-eads/

     The world knows nothing, and neither do I. Nor you. Not a bit about you and not a bit about myself. But we’re both learning. We learn to believe, we learn to fly, we learn to understand and we learn to love. But I know that YOU are here to stay beside me. And I am here to stay beside you. I will wrap your hands in freedom; I will kiss those lips that speak their truth; I will glance at those eyes that see the beauty of a soul; and I will softly touch that heart that beats on the rhythm of goodwill. I will be the gatekeeper of this treasure, banishing disappointment and despair, but rising a fortress of trust.

     Baby, we have an empire to build. Brick by brick, thought by thought, touch by touch, step by step… Care doesn’t lack here, rather has its own stage. The music surrounding us is deaf to others, but is piano to us. Just listen. Listen carefully. Then learn the notes and we will sing along. You won’t believe the sublime, crystal clear sound our voices turned to one can make.

     [listen to: Oasis – Kygo ft. FOXES (Cover By Jasmine Thompson)]

     Then take a look at me. At you. At us… This is it! This is you and this is me… This is us.

     

Love,
A.

A dream within a dream… Larger than life!

If all odds were against us, we would still rise above the crowds. With you by my side, I can accomplish anything. With me by your side, you can break any walls… We’re unbeatable!

When the script is impeccable, actors can’t play it wrong…”

 

           They will never really learn our truth… We both value privacy and personal space. We can watch the stars in complete silence, yet know that what we have is there for the long run. We know we got something they don’t. Is just us against the world. The T-shirt type of bond… We can both be wild and free like an ocean in storm, yet calm and unchained as stillness. We both impose respect, yet care for others. We bond in learning… We’re untouchable!

 

   We’ve got the power to sustain dreams. We have enough trust to privately confess. We rely on each other’s constructive feedback. We have the drive to team up, in any possible aspect of life. There’s an energy among us two that can’t be described by words or put in chains by any law. If all odds were against us, we would still rise above the crowds. With you by my side, I can accomplish anything. With me by your side, you can break any walls… We’re unbeatable!

 

 

Credits: Pinterest (http://pin.it/5b7pSCQ)

 

We’re warriors for a good cause and no villain can destroy our shield. The freedom we built will never be ruined by jealousy. Our souls are so well prepared that we can confront any challenge. Hand in hand, we will always stand tall. Our backbones are made of steel, deliberately made for battle. I teach you rebel, you put patience on my qualities list. I’m the heads up, you’re the guardian of my sleep… We’re invincible!

 

I drown into your heart, with me you feel safe and free. We thrive to bring up the best in each other. We’re on the same page on so many levels! We can’t fight over shallow waters, as we share the same vision. We always swim against the tide, yet we trust we will ride the waves. We have such a strong fire, that no hurricane could ever put it up, rather amplify it. Our self-confidence only grows stronger by walking alongside… We’re unbreakable!

 

 

   We could resist this for a thousand years, yet we’ll get in the same point all over again. Our paths will always cross. When I’m with you, I glow; when you’re with me, you can take that weight off your shoulders. When we’re next to each other, time is all that doesn’t matter… We’re simply larger than life!

 

Credits: Pinterest (https://terrye634.deviantart.com)

 

Love always and forever!
A.

Broken wing…

     A bird is free to fly, no one can hold it back from its path. And so are you… Whether you’re a canary or an eagle, never allow anyone put you in a golden cage! Apologize if you’ve done wrong and fly away. Same goes for others. Don’t you ever expect them to step by themselves in a cage they don’t wish for as a home. In fact, never expect anything form anyone. In this way, you’ll never, ever be disappointed and will never get hurt. You’ll never have your wings clipped by a crashed dream; by a broken wish.

       If anyone hurts your feeling and expectations, NEVER point the gun to their head. Cease any attempt of hurting them back. If your wings got hurt because of your expectations and hopes, don’t blame them. Don’t blame yourself either, even though you’ve opened up till it cut your soul. Just accept the facts and move on. “Some things cannot be changed” someone once told me. Truth has been spoken!

          I know the first thing that comes to your mind is to make them feel just the way you do. But what’s the point? Will seeing them hurt make you feel any better? Maybe on the spot. But you’ll be sorry later on. So, don’t do it! Don’t turn all your frustrations against them. Don’t throw empty words because you’re miserable. Think it through and take a wise step. Be deceived if you can’t control it, but because of your perception, not because of the actual facts.

      Moving on is painful. Embrace the pain and trust that it will, someday, go away. Deception will step aside as well. At some point.

           Go to your best friend and ask for cure – music is the best help you’ll ever get! It will never let you down. Search for that playlist that has always helped you go through all the necessary stages, but in the end lifted you up. Force yourself! You’re the only one that can help you. Be silent and don’t go running for gossip. This is something you need to face alone. So be alone!

      I won’t advise to focus on something else, because you won’t be able to. Remember that blue moments are part of our lives. Let them take you over. Let that knife sleep through your fingers, down to the ground. You’re not doing anyone any good if you use it. Not even yourself. Share bitter tears if they fall. They will dry. And you’ll be strong enough to lift your eyes from the ground and smile. Even to them. And thank them for the lesson…

           Heal yourself! Put the hurt away, when you can. But never regret your feelings! Some things cannot be changed and there are things never to be sorry for…

 

Love,

A.

 

 

 

 

Dreams

    Dreams are so damn hard to handle sometimes… You just watch and see nothing at all… You walk and don’t feel the steps you take… You breathe, but there’s no air… Everything is just heavy… Damn, is heavy! All you think about is that dream…

And you can’t (or won’t) wake up. Everything surrounding you is trying to send you signals you need to open your eyes and get anchored in reality. But you choose to go even deeper into your own little world. It’s warm in there. You could spend your entire life there. Why bother facing hurt, when you can surrender to your passion? That passion makes you happy, after all. In what way? For how long? Could be eternally, if that’s your choice. I know, it’s all a matter of choice. Said it before and I stand up for it. But I also support chasing your dreams you’re pointed to by your passion.

Chasing… Burdensome process… But you build as you chase. You place a stone with each step. Is a creation process, yes. And, if you remember, “The creation process is incredible”. Keeps the distance you need away from people, provides you that space you so eagerly aim for.

So, dream big and chase till the end. Till you have it all built up. Or completely crashed. If one dream crashes and can’t be restored,   rise up and find another. NEVER give up! Be friends with your desires, passionately create a dream around them, chase and feel free! Find out how much truth is there in the saying: “If you can dream it, you can DO it!”… Choose you’re most comfortable shoes, add a pinch of COURAGE and GO!

Love,

A.

Red sneakers made for walking

    What would ever make you take a long mile walk, against hot wind? You’re taking a road no-one dares to. Headphones on highest volume level, those red sneakers made for walking and songs on your lips… A moving image. Reason? Mind relief… Thoughts’ selection…

Gray and green sight. A wistle in a song. Long distance. But you need this walk… You need no one around and you’re a nobody… Just a walking someone. You need to accept facts. Thoughts keep on tumbling down. Your speed is slower than a snail’s. You hurry for a moment whenever a street needs to get crossed, as the cars won’t wait for your dragging steps. Maybe you can take a small leap? You finally reach the lake. And you stop, watching the sun going down… Almost. Sunset will have finished its process till you reach the empty room.

The road accompanied by the lake becomes too short for your state of mind. You stop for a moment to give your feet a little break. And write a bit. Shape your ideas.

Once your feet lead you back among people, you feel the constraint of society; they stare at you as if an alien just crossed the street with flowers in its hand. Because there’s no rush in your attitude. But you could’t care less! You keep on going. All you see is your dream, while listening to a song with lyrics “Driver, take me wherever but home”. You crave for free life. No burdens, no destination for your trip, no handcuffs attributed by humanity, no labels on your back…

Sun has started its setting. You’re still walking, heading to a place you don’t want to reach… Smells come and go; a police car at a corner – these men stop a driver; the horizon relieves smoke;  a bicycle; and the bridge – going upwards. Feet keep on going. Smoke smell invades your nose and the sight runs into your eyes. Bridge goes downwards…

Drivers slow down, gazing at a strange girl walking on a strange path to be taken alone… Some of them hit the flashes… The girl keeps on going. She wouldn’t mind anything around her. Not even strangers staring or eagerly squeezing the horn…

The green lights of a place hit you – pizza place… No hunger… You’re getting closer and closer… Can you have a detour? Got it: there’s a shop around here. You will need food, eventually…

Nearly there… After more than 2 hours of walk. Another 2 minutes stop on a bench. It’s been a long day… Salina will soon take over your eyelashes as your trusted friend, the pillow, helps you rest your head. The sneakers also rest in their place… Long ride have they faced.

Love,

A.