Blog

INFJ

   People are afraid of showing their true self… I’m not… Therefore, there you go… Me… I’m an ambivert… Or ‘Extroverted introvert’ –> INFJ personality type. Do you know yours? Can you admit the traits? Have you ever been curious about it?

One day I just came across an intriguing article that caught my eye immediately. Something like ’10 signs you are an INFJ’… Had no clue what that was, but curiosity did its job. To be fair, the abbreviation was the one to pull the trigger. First trait – me; second trait – me ; 3rd one – the same – me… So I kept on reading… And getting amazed. Those people really know what they’re talking about. But so clearly? No bit of doubt? Ok, sure, it’s science based, but still…

Anyhow, no room for interpretation on such clear guidelines. It is you or not…

And I kept on going… Till the last one. It’s comforting to understand why you get home so tired after a long day of interacting with others, why you may feel drained, without even realizing it; why you shut off from the world, at times… Or most of the times… That was the point I understood how come someone can be creative and analytical in the same time; why I have a real attraction to communication, but rather have it from behind my phone, than face to face… Though the one face to face discloses things that keypad will never… A real conversation offers you this: reactions!  And, above all, why I am full of contraries, controversy… Why perception can be different: some may see me as the greatest bitch, while others consider I am the sweetest thing…

That was the moment I realized why I’ve been into psychology since high-school. Why people touch my feelings that bad… Why do I like listening to others and comfort them with a great advice and good vibes (so they say)… And why I might suddenly cut someone off if I can’t take it anymore… And mind my own business…

You know… Now I even understood why I appreciate eyes so much… Eyes never lie, as much as you wish! And this is one thing you can trust me on!

People have millions of thoughts per second… But as they take a shape while being written down, your mind gets clearer…

The more I understand, the more distant I get to the outside world and enjoy my own!

<div>Love,
A.

That ‘weirdo’ look

 I just adore when people look at me and label a weirdo 😁  Jeans and t-shirt, red-blonde hair (unacceptable 😱), mascara and red lipstick (too daring 😲)… Oh, and music… Such an amazing feeling of self-acceptance… Of freedom… I never wanted to fit in… I finally made it! I can’t and would never, ever be able to follow rules, not break boundaries and just follow the masses. Being put in a box. It’s just not me… I’m being me: Limited Edition 😂 just me and my headphones! A true rebel, I may say… 😁 No box around…

I love hanging with nobody but myself… Taking quality time to think, write, listen to my heart, hear my own wishes and fantasize their accomplishment or just cry and let go… Can’t do that surrounded by others’ noise… Though I’m not afraid… I simply do appreciate every single walk or minute by myself… Half loner…

Half social… When people say ‘you’re happy today’…  But they know nothing about the fact that my social days finish in – literally – crashing..  I just can’t put up with too much sh*t in one day… So I refuse to… Thus, I cut off… Shut off… Some days I wish I could only cherish that place of mine I should call home… Though sometimes I can’t recognize that strange place…

Walking in the subway station – feet almost dancing, betraying the beat in my headphones, fingers keeping tempo… Waiting for the bus… Beat in my feet again… If only I could dance-walk … When in that tired but amazingly good mood… For no reason… No reason… Wrong… There’s always a reason.. I put my mind at work for this… Every single day..  It’s just…  Well… Blue moments are part of our lives, right? But I feel I can overcome everything if I want to! Everyone can! All you need is THE WILL! And the COURAGE to fight your little dwarf known as society-like conscience, whispering so satisfied: ‘Don’t do it’. Yes, do it – slap that jerk!

Try listening to the other one… The one they call the good angel, but it’s actually your inner call. And promise: Being harsh on myself – banned; self disrespect – thrown million miles away; selfishness – be steady, I’m getting there; anger – damn, that’s a hard one…
Now it’s time for all that’s mine: courage (though never lacked), self-awareness, learning and following my own highway (speedy or in slow motion, without annoying flashlights and angry horns; just the way I want it). Without hurting others…

Being considered weird is a blessing!

Even after this gets published, I’ll be considered as such. But it’s not mine to take in. Finally got it… I will never wear that old-fashioned mask again… The one called… You say it! 😉

Love,
A.

That bitch needs to vanish…

    Hurt… A selfish feeling… Why do we hurt? Do we really hurt when others hurt? In the means of having the hurt of others penetrate our mind so hard that alienate our own well-being? Are we so empathetic? Or are we just selfish? Meaning that we think of the hurt the feeling of rejection – for instance – has on ourselves, but would rather place that responsibility on the others? Aren’t we just seeking for comfort from others?

I tend to believe the second one is true… We feel good when people address that “everything’s gonna be OK” formula… We feel loved by the ones surrounding us… Actually, we like to believe we feel that love and that others care… Though they may not and only say these words for encouraging a selfish soul…

Hurt is like a razor blade: the more you think it through, the deeper the wound… Yeah, I’m hurt today and I have this eagerness to shut off from the world, in my fairytale little world… But tomorrow? The day after? A month after? Can I keep this going till I lose my mind completely? Well I might, if I wanted.  But at some point, this selfish little bitch has to vanish. Who’s it? EGO… because ego does that… It can’t face the idea that others may not see things the way you do. And then it crashes. And your mind just follows it… Then that other little thing we use and call ‘a heart’ follows. When it gets there, you can barely take a step through your day-to-day life.

But hey… We need to overcome this… Face the truth, embrace things we cannot change (or change our perspectives, they say) and let go… The worst feeling… Letting go of something was never there… Never yours… But you had high hopes and wanted to make it happen … Again…  Selfishness…

I need a vacation… From the world… Just me and my ego… Till the moment it will take off as well… Just like a butterfly… Set it free…

That’s the toughest mask… The ego… Make it disappear. Be brave! Uncover each layer at a time, but do it…

Remember: your mind can be your greatest friend or your fearest foe! The choice is yours!

Love,
A.

Strength

Have you ever wondered what strength really meant?

Let me tell you how I see strength…

Expressing your ideas without seeking for validation. What you feel and think should be displayed; the power of admitting your flaws and the will to improve; the right of crying whenever you feel the need, regardless who’s watching; the right of searching for your truth – within.

Why people don’t adopt this attitude? They think they look weak. And they do… To the weak… The strong ones will see the real and admire the power. The others don’t count. One day, the weak will find themselves in the position of acknowledging self-image. And then they will understand!

No teachers will give you the answer you seek, if it doesn’t fit your own believes. No experience will benefit if you don’t learn.

No human will walk in your shoes. We all have or own dreams to follow, different points of view, different levels of tolerance. Though we’re all the same… We breath, we love, we hurt, we desire…

But we reject… Reject the idea of understanding. We crave to be better than others, have more power and influence.. Achieve things that don’t really matter…

We’re good at blaming others, placing burdens on their shoulders, judging for making ourselves feel superior, assign them the credit of our happiness but we’re harsh on ourselves. We fail big time at showing empathy… To ourselves and others…

And all this fails because of… Just a mask we are getting so fond of…

Love,
A.

Getting up!

Overcome blue moments! Get up and face them!

Time to reflect…

Everyone has blue moments, right? At least humans do… That’s why you will recognize yourself as having passed through at least one of these states of mind: love not being shared; wishes not getting understood; paths not getting approved; goals not getting achieved; self-worth not being appreciated to its value, and so on.

We all feel down, but we need to realize the importance we give to all these aspects. Once we acknowledge their real value and what they bring to our senses, we get a new perspective. We get a different view on what shape should our lives get. We can say that we actually wake up. Call it as you wish, as long as you get the point.

How to get there? Take a fair look at your reflection and understand yourself… Design and follow your own path. Stop waiting for the others to provide the illusion of right or wrong – what you believe is true; the illusion of making you happy – what you want to feel is real happiness.

Thus, work on it. Everything is within… Just within… Starts from what you feel, goes all the way to your mind and guides your actions. The way you act will be reflected in what you afterwards get. But it starts with YOU! And remember: throw that mask away!

Stay true!
Love,

A.

Masks

What is a mask? The difference between what you show and what you truly feel.

Yes, speaking and taking the truth is hard work, but why choose the fake over the real? Sheds a different light over yourself?

Well, let me burst that bubble for you… Yes, during the day, when you are around people, compelled to behave a certain way, therefore breaking the rules (who’s?) is forbidden,  you will be strong by using a mask.  Most of the times reflecting the opposite of your true self… But what about when you are alone, talking to nobody but your naked soul? Do you understand there is a huge difference? Or do you keep wearing the mask? I doubt it…

As women usually take off their make-up before going to bed, I believe we all face our demons before unconsciousness of the sleep takes over… If you can’t admit this, than you will never get to know yourself…  Maybe you’re not ready…

Nonetheless, even if when you close your eyes forever, that moment will come. And all you will do will be asking “Why?”

Stay true!

Love,

A.