Reboot mood

How many times have you felt you’re so damn drained that you can’t even keep your eyes open? So tired you don’t even wish to breathe? So unlikely able to think? I call this “brain on reboot mood”.

            How many times have you felt you’re so damn drained that you can’t even keep your eyes open? So tired you don’t even wish to breathe? So unlikely able to think? I call this “brain on reboot mood”. All you need is crash between those soft pillows… But you need to get home first. What a long way! Though you take some means of transportation, not walk. No! Walking would mean torture! And your legs would be stubborn, anyhow.

Well? Ever felt like that? I believe you did, at least once in your life. The non-thinking stage. Yeah, that’s me, few times a week. Usually 5 😁 . Well, in that state, you have that easy-to-label look. You yawn continuously, your eyes barely see the path and people think (perhaps, but I’ve heard it before): “She might be on crack!” It’s actually funny, as you know you’re just stoned with tiredness…

However, remember the labels? Yeah, I don’t care. I just want to open the door to my crib, throw my sneakers wherever, even on the ceiling (but the effort would be too much) and crash. Not waking up till morning. I don’t even need a sip of water. I need SLEEP!

Why I am I still writing? Because I like to expose my thoughts. That’s the whole point of all this. It may seem weird, but is relaxing. I get to focus on one thing only, so my mind is more free. I don’t need to mind the people around me and they don’t mind me. So, is this a win-win or what? I spend my quality time. Plus, I keep track of feelings/ events on the go. As they happen. Maybe I could also count my steps while writing? 😃

The song in my ears now… [listen to: Maroon 5 – She will be loved]. Chilling… For reboot mood… I love their songs… Anyways, the good thing about long workdays? Traffic is always easy… And I get home quicker. I don’t have to wait for a subway forever. Oh, and I have space! I can sit wherever, without being pushed by eager guys. What else? People are quiet (like I’d hear them, but still… There’s no show put in place by some… well, show-off energetic guys). And I love peace and quiet. Especially when on reboot. Here’s a nice tag…

Hoooooome! Damn, I missed you… Uh, uh, there’s my pillow! Now I can finally pull the shutters!

Love,
A.

No gravity

[listen to: Linkin Park feat Kiiara – Heavy]

Human mind… Keeps amazing me every day!

Why do we enjoy self-torture? Why do we, somehow, enjoy our misery? Is like enjoying that helpless feeling of exploring the void… Is a heavy feeling we actually enjoy. How we love that torment! There’s something still pulling us to that state of mind, though we struggle to get it loose. But a song, a playlist triggers it… The image of tears, flashes of moments, words spoken, thoughts passing at a certain moment, feelings, the flutter of a butterfly’s wings… All these are trying hard to bring us down again. We think we have the proper approach of events, still we don’t. We’re keen on comforting ourselves with hurt. If their image is trying to fade, we hold onto it even tighter, we drag it and drop it into our souls once more.

Days go by and we imagine we’re getting over it. But is just a picture we impose. We love the landscape too much to actually let it go. Even when someone else drops into the picture, we can’t see them. Or we do, but don’t mind their outline, not even if drawn with a great height. By the time we are willing to see, they may already be erased from the background.

[listen to: Kiiara – Feels]

Waiting… Patience… Willing… For what? For something killing us on the inside. For something that’s not really there. We’re not strong enough to take new chances. We keep on running in circles. Around the same … “Can’t escape the gravity (…) There’s so much more than I can carry”.

Love,
A.